When Your Teenage Son Says, “Mom, I Don’t Want to go to Church Today”

By Chrissy Wozniak

This morning I experienced a moment that all disciple-driven mothers fear. I went to wake up my 16 year old son for church and he told me that he stayed up too late playing video games, he didn’t get enough sleep and so he didn’t want to go to church today. In a hurry to get ready myself I quickly replied, “get up and get ready we’re leaving in a half hour.” Five minutes later, between getting my hair and makeup finished, I went back into his room to see if he was getting ready. He was still in bed. I repeated myself and told him to get ready immediately.

His response stopped me in my tracks, he said, “Mom, when people feel pressured and are forced to go to church this can drive them away from God.”

Although a wave of surprise, fear and “Oh God how do I handle this” swept over me, I gave him the typical mom answer, “We are a family, we go to church together, you are part of this family so you will get up and get ready and be in the car in 10 minutes.” I sounded confident, but as every mother knows the last thing we want is to drive our kids away from the things which we know are good for them. Immediately I started feeling sad, because “worldly” knowledge tells us that faith is a decision we make when we’re adults, it’s each person’s right to believe what they want, which is ultimately true but it doesn’t let a parent off the hook when it comes to raising children. This is the same society that tells us that we should not speak of religion or politics in polite company. This ideology is something I wholeheartedly reject.

When my babies were toddlers and we looked up at the sky on a sunny day, I pointed up and told them the sky is blue – because it is blue. We teach our children the truth, and if faith in Jesus Christ is truth then we better be teaching them that until they are grown and are prepared to make their own decisions. But it’s not easy when we live in a society where truth is valued less and less every passing moment.

Parenting isn’t Easy

I’ve heard many people argue that if you force a child to attend church against their will they won’t listen anyway and it’ll be pointless for them to even be there. The reason I reject the idea is two-fold.

First, my most important job is to raise my kids to fear the Lord, to love Jesus, and serve others, all while becoming productive members of society. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This means we need a strong set of rules and boundaries that are not negotiable, so they clearly understand what is expected of them and can carry this set of values to the next generation.

Secondly, I reject this idea because of what I know about marketing. My career has been focused on agricultural sales and marketing my whole adult life. What we all know about marketing is that no one watches tv for the commercials. If a person had to be interested and open to something to learn about it then tv commercials wouldn’t exist. If we had to be eager to learn about the things we are to absorb, then we wouldn’t know about Kalshi, or Temu, or Geico, or have grown to adore Flo from Progressive! Interruption marketing in the background of everyday life works and that’s why it’s a billion dollar industry. How can this marketing truth be applied to parenting, and “forcing” your teen to church after they’ve stayed up too late playing video games the night before?

As we were sitting in church this morning, after a half hour or so my son leaned into me just like when he was little, a silent mom-cuddle as he watched the pulpit. My eyes filled with tears, grateful to have him beside me in church for another week. On the drive home I asked him, “Do you want to know why I reject the idea you stated this morning about how being forced to go to church could push you away from God?”

In typical teenage fashion he replied, “I don’t think we need to talk about it.”

I told him I disagreed, and then explained to him why. It was his decision to stay up too late, but that decision didn’t release him of the duty of getting out of bed in the morning. If my number one job in life is to raise a well balanced, purpose driven man, and if hearing God’s word regularly is an essential part of my job, then I need to make sure it happens. Had I allowed him to sleep in, then get up and get back to video games, what are the odds he would have an opportunity to hear and learn God’s word? And what if this became a trend, and for months he didn’t have a chance to let God speak to him? The reality is, we don’t need to be receptive to hear and learn – we just need to be present. What we take in consciously and subconsciously is written on our minds and hearts forever. Even when a teenager doesn’t want to be present, God is writing his word into his heart and mind and he won’t forget when he needs it in the future. Multiply this one hour a week over 10 teenage years, this boy who turns into a man will be equipped with enough scripture to help him well after his parents are gone. Just like he won’t forget the Geico gecko, even though a child never intends to pursue the knowledge of car insurance! To me this is a no brainer, it doesn’t feel good to be a mean parent, and it’s easy to second guess especially when society sends its pressure from every side, as truth is continually diluted with emotion.

Teachable Moments

Mamas, don’t be afraid to put your foot down, don’t be afraid to force an issue and remind your teenage son who controls the internet in the house, don’t be afraid to force an encounter with Jesus that your son will carry with him forever. Never be afraid to bring it up when you have him trapped in the car on the way home. These are the precious teachable moments.

When we got home from church, my son and I cooked breakfast together, laughed and talked about silly things and put our tough conversation in the past. I look forward to “forcing” him to do the right things as long as I’m able.